The Season's Trappings
TL;DR
Food has no moral or ethical value, so you are not “bad” when you consume candies, cakes, frappes, et cetera, and you are not “good” when you’ve had a smoothie, a salad, or sad boiled chicken.
Normalize and give yourself grace for consuming more foods than intended this holiday season because companies are intentionally co-opting your brain’s (completely natural!) signals to convince you that you need what they are selling.
Recognize the resulting shame spiral, and interrupt it with facts: you are not lacking discipline when you cannot sustain a starvation-level diet, and/or push yourself to do more physical activity than you’ve done in weeks, months, or years.
Explore themes of self-talk, insight into deeper needs, and balance in your life, before and after the holidays. Are you punishing yourself for what you have eaten? Were there any stressors or needs driving your consuming of certain foods over the holiday season? And how can you balance delicious, indulgent foods with foods that help you feel full, energetic, and mentally fresh?
Take deep breaths, enjoy your time with people that you love, and be kind to yourself from now until January, and beyond!
Here we are, on the other side of Halloween.
Costumes have been worn, revelries have been had, and now there is a metric ton of candy in my house (maybe it’s in yours, too).
This final quarter of the year starts to get sticky (pun intended) because, on the one hand, it kicks off three months of festivities, joy, gatherings, and- let’s face it- incredibly delicious food. On the other hand: come January 1st, we will start hearing how to essentially “undo” everything we just did over the holidays, particularly when it comes to food.
The messaging is, at best, pushy and, at worst, shameful. It is the yearly cycle that subconsciously reinforces the idea that fun, lightness, and festivity mean we lack discipline and that rigidity and self-loathing narratives are the only way to keep ourselves on track.
I want to bring this cycle from the hidden depths of our brains to broader consciousness so that we can develop more internal resources to fight it.
First: What is it we’re fighting exactly?
Everything.
Yes, you read that right: it is everything. I could go on a long rant about the hows and whys that our societal norms and systems are working against us, but I will try to keep it concise.
It comes down to money. I won’t hate on Capitalism (in today’s blog), but the long and short of it is that we are constantly subjected to advertising that makes us feel like we “need” a thing. Whether that is food, furniture, electronics, or cute boots, we are bombarded with messages that activate the survival mechanisms in our brains and compel us to purchase.
Markets understand this. There are entire “marketing psychology” courses and programs, and there are tactics and techniques built into website designs and entrepreneur advice columns that literally look at consumer behaviors and what drives their purchasing habits, from colors, display patterns, and imagined discounts. (Fun fact: I just listed the Catharsis hiking journal on my website, and it had an option to list a “strikethrough price” to trick viewers into purchasing because it looks like a deal! WTF?)
All this is to say that, starting in late August, an incredible amount of consumer-behavior advertising energy goes into cozy fall vibes (which we’ve already established that I love). The highest peak in confectionery brands’ spending occurs in October, with other indulgence-food brands peaking in November and December. Advertising this quarter is heavily food-focused.
Maple and Apple sweets, beautifully curated candy displays, pumpkin-flavored everything- and all ‘for a limited time!’- create feelings of scarcity so that we jump to consume them. Plus, let’s be real: they are SO good. Sugar activates the brain's opioid systems, so we feel good after eating it and crave more.
Then, once we get to January, there aren't a ton of food-driven activities to join in. So where does the advertising go?
It goes straight into “Shame on you for eating all that- let’s fix it.” Gym memberships, diet advice, “superfoods”, GLP-1s, you name it: major diet and wellness brands spend approximately 40-50% of their annual budget on this first quarter of the year. After minimal spending the first few weeks of December, diet and fitness companies spend over $40 million dollars in the 10 days after Christmas.
There’s plenty I can say on this, but I’ll leave with this: between our survival- and comfort-driven brains craving caloric resources and soothing neurochemical experiences, and the heavy market push we get that leads us directly to them through indulgent foods and beverages, it is completely natural to heavily indulge this time of year.
Second: The resulting shame spiral
We have all been there. If you haven’t, I want to know you and how you avoided it.
January comes, and the messaging begins. Maybe you have heard of the “post-holiday blues” that strike on December 26th- that signal that celebrations are over and real-life starts again soon. Decorations come down, the days are still short, and things just look and feel dull and drab.
In our house, we literally call January 1st until around mid-March the “Dark Times” for this exact reason.
Because we have less to look forward to and we already feel blue, it can become a slippery slope into self-loathing, regret, and shame. Do any of these sound familiar?
Why did I eat all that?
Now I have to lose what I put on.
My clothes don’t fit.
How can I fix this before summer? Or Spring Break?
Maybe if I eat [1000 calories a day, only salads, low carb, juice cleanse, etc.] and/or exercise every day this week/month, it’ll be okay.
Do I qualify for GLP-1’s or other diet pills?
And the punishment cycle begins.
The cycle of completely malnourishing the body while simultaneously striving to push it beyond its physical capacity or beyond what it has done for a long time to force it into a shape that is prescribed by society. Words like “lean”, “fit”, “shrink”, “smooth”, “lose”, and “tighten” get thrown around, and we let them live inside our heads rent-free, and we tell ourselves they are there for motivation. Yet, when our bodies inevitably cave to the pressure of a severe caloric deficit, we use those words to shame ourselves: I will never be those things; why aren’t I disciplined enough?
Finally: Fighting back with balance
Balance is a weapon that lacks aggression, but maintains intention. When we use it as a tool to fight back, it can be both grounding and grace-inducing.
Part of what we are fighting, as noted above, is the “survival” mechanisms in our brain. To survive, we need sustenance and community, both of which the holidays are known for. Balance is not abstaining from treats or from social events- it is an awareness of what you are consuming and what those social events both give and take from you.
Do you feel like you “need” a beer, a joint, or snacks to socialize? That is good information for you to know, because it indicates a sense of pressure that is worth exploring. Maybe that environment stresses you out, maybe you don’t actually want to be there, or maybe you only want to see some people there but not everyone; maybe you just need an hour to chill after work instead of immediately rushing to a holiday party, maybe you feel like eating is part of the social contract at an event; or maybe you have a long-known diagnosis of social anxiety. There are a thousand reasons you might consume more of something than you had initially intended.
It is not about whether you consumed too much of something; the question is, “What drove it?”
And the answer is not “because I’m gross”, “undisciplined”, “an addict”, and so on.
The answer is: because you were feeling something. Balance is finding out what that “something” is, and finding alternative responses to it, because then, when you consume that thing you would normally shame yourself for, you are consuming it on purpose, rather than out of habit, reflex, or peer pressure.
The follow-up to this is to pay attention to the sensations before, during, and after consuming. I will happily use myself as an example here:
When I go to the movies, I like to eat good & plentys. I really like them and can easily kill an entire box. I have them because they are delicious- there’s no subconscious comfort system on this one; I just love them, and that is okay. I have gotten pretty good at not saying, “I was bad…” after I eat more than I had intended, because there is no moral value in eating too much of anything.
However, I do feel physically bad afterward. I get a stomachache, sometimes to the point where I am nauseated for hours and can’t sleep. I feel bloated, which makes my pants uncomfortable, and I feel grouchy and sleepy and off-kilter for a long time (sometimes days, as I’ve gotten older). I can directly contrast this feeling with the physical sensations I have after eating foods that are lower in sugar, higher in fiber, and/or contain more naturally occurring vitamins and minerals.
At this point in my life, I can have a box of good & plentys, but I will often pre-separate them into smaller servings ahead of the movie because I know my endogenous opioid system will tell me to keep eating them if given the opportunity. I have created a system of intention so that I can eat this deeply addictive candy with a sense of balance.
There are some who would say that eating any amount of highly manufactured candy is inherently unbalanced- but I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.
As this pertains to the holidays: see if you can find a balance between consuming delicious foods and nourishing foods (aka, foods that promote routine bowel movements, fuel your brain/help you think clearly, and give you long-lasting energy). Embracing your life with a feast-or-famine mindset tends to psychologically backfire on us, driving us to binge. A balanced mindset can recognize when you have eaten to the point of discomfort and, instead of shaming yourself or overcorrecting, gives you space to ask, “How can I re-balance now?”
One more concept I want to drive home is the idea of bringing our logical brains back into the present when we feel overcome by desire for the season’s edible offerings. Try this:
Check your internal state: When you are about to go to a holiday party, take a minute to breathe and quietly reflect on how you are feeling in the moment. What physical sensations do you notice? What emotions do you notice?
Clarify your intensions: Ask yourself, “What am I hoping to do, see, eat, drink, at this event? What do I want to avoid?”
Identify Needs: “What do I need to feel comfortable, safe, and at peace at this event?”
Anchor in grace: “I am allowed to enjoy myself today. I strive to be mindful of what my body needs and give myself grace if I miss that mark today.”
Enjoy the holiday season and all of the joy, warmth, companionship, and treats it brings.
You are not bad, undisciplined, or deserving of shame just because you succumbed to the offerings of the season. You are human, you are deserving of love and compassion, and you can find balance when you are ready to seek it.
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And always remember: You’ve got this.
#HolidayEating #SurvivingtheHolidays #DietingSucks #AntiDietingCulture #SelfCompassion #Halloween #Thanksgiving #Christmas #SelfKindness #WashingtonTherapist #MindfulnessMatters #MentalHealthMatters #PNWTherapist #DitchtheDiet #GiveYourselfGrace #AllFoodsFit #IntuitiveEating #FoodHasNoMoralValue
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